The Mastermind & the Teacher
How I get along with ENFJs as an INTJ
The people’s champion. ENFJs, it’s always a blast and a rewarding experience when I’m around you. You take it upon yourselves to ensure I am enjoying my time. I’m more than happy of letting you take the reins of any situation when it comes to group activities — whether it’s a night out drinking bender or an all-night team project. It’s not really about leadership, but I trust you will go above and beyond for the best interest of the group. You make it your mission to manage group chemistry in order to maximize the outcome of whatever we do. You’re confident with your firm stance of your beliefs. You’re charismatic with your charm and enthusiasm.
And you’re basic as fuck. Like live-love-laugh basic. Your Instagram might be full of motivational quotes and group pictures of your dear BFFs. Your room walls are probably plastered by Hallmarks cards and motivational posters. But you know what, you own your basic-ness and I respect that. Because we both know there’s a lot more to you. While all of that surface level stuff represents you, they don’t do a good job showing how insightful, intelligent, and driven you are.
Social media posts fail to show these qualities since interacting with people in real life real time is where you are at your best. Materialistic possessions and Internet persona are merely means for you to employ. You build your environment with all of these things such that they add up to a holistic body of work of who you are — A real friend, a team captain, an insightful mentor. Much to the surprise of many, you don’t see value in being popular. You care so intensely, that energy needs to be spent wisely on people close to you. Social standards don’t mean much to the deep bonds you cultivate. That’s where the real you is, hidden underneath your external façade. For anyone welcomed in your inner circle, there’s no doubt you got their back. You’ll listen and believe in them more than they believe in themselves.
Let’s stop with the smiles, candies, and balloons for a moment. With your Extraverted Feeling and Extraverted Sensing (FeSe), you take responsibility for the social harmony between the human egos around you. You are in other words a manager of emotions, not a people pleaser. Sometimes you may need to discipline and tell an asshole to shut it. Or you may need to educate those who are ignorant. This is for the sake of applying social lubrication and persuade egos to not only coexist but to work together maximizing group output. Thankfully most people are decent, most of the time you’re tuning to their wavelengths to spread good vibes.
The way you do that is so fascinating! You can predict my emotions and lay out my current state of mind like a psychic. I feel seen in a good way! Coupling your FeSe with Introverted Thinking and Introverted Intuition (TiNi), you subconsciously pick up all of my micro-expressions and tendencies. You are studying me. Blanketed by the outward charm and warmth, ENFJs are intelligent supercomputers building algorithms personalized for the people around them. Like how social media can predict what you want for Christmas. But at least with you, I have a relationship with an actual human being who really cares.
I’m implying that you are actually a very logical person contrary to the type descriptions. You are a logical people-person that is. Not an emotional manager, but a pragmatic emotions manager who orchestrates feelings and motivations. Your logic is used when you seek to understand and tune in with people. I also manage emotions; just that I focus mainly on mine instead of others. If the popular description of Extraverted Feeling is to bring harmony in the external world, I seek harmony internally with my Introverted Feeling. Naturally you pick up my body language and my tone of voice, dig what you found out of my feelings, and put it up for us to see. I get your feedback, you get my input. Constructing harmony all around 🙂
We’re both studious people. We could spend many hours studying and researching deep in whatever we’re interested in. The pursuit of mastery of ENFJs’ TiNi is driven to maximize your societal purpose. For whatever subject you choose — the better you understand, the better you can contribute and imprint the world around you. Whatever you discover about life must be heard. I on the other hand gain expertise because it fulfills my goal of who I want to become. My Extraverted Sensing and Extraverted Thinking (SeTe) consumes information that formulates a roadmap for my Introverted Intuition and Introverted Feeling (NiFi). In other words, I analyze the world around me to make the best decisions for what I want to do in life.
That’s why it’s such a joy being with ENFJs. We can talk about growing up and navigating through life. We share notes on how to make this planet a better place than the one we inherited. ENFJs concern about making people better, INTJs concern about making themselves better. You’ll tell me if whatever I’m doing is the right thing. And there are so many things I want to do. I can share everything knowing that I’ll get support from you. Lay out my plans and thoughts and allow you to guide me where my heart is set on.
Before I commit to a goal, I gain insights by researching and imagining myself living in my vision. That makes me a powerful ally for ENFJs who want to hear about the far edges of the world. INTJs serve as data collectors and “spies” to a wide variety of subcultures. We lurk at all the corners of the internet related to economics, art, spirituality, politics, engineering etc… Information fed to our NiFi helps us relate to people we wouldn’t normally meet. We embody anything that piques our interest. We embark on mapping out the fabric of humanity and figuring out where to best thread our lives in it. ENFJs can learn a lot from INTJs’ insights in those niche communities.
In turn you provide safe space for me to speak without judgement. From personal experience, you’ve given me more confidence in social interactions. I’m already quite self-confident, but I value your feedback that I come off as a kind and warm person in the eyes of others. I’ve watched you show how you care for people. Inspired by your example, I learned how to better externalize my emotions, how to better visibly show love to those close to me, and how to better present my true self to the world.
There’s no better way to live than being in touch with what my heart wants. Part of why I’m writing this now is because I want this world inside me to be known. It wasn’t going to present itself, I needed you to pull it out of me. And then you taught me how to do it myself. Our experiences are meant to be shared. Maybe it’ll help someone out there. Maybe it’ll help us solve the life’s biggest mysteries. We’re not that different at all in that way. In fact I look help others in becoming their best selves too. I want to them to experience what I feel about life. It’s so rewarding to see them grow.
As you probably figured after reading this, I can be very cheesy. It’s all soft and gooey inside. There’s no need to externalize and put it out for the world to see. It’s a personal experience, but not necessarily a private one. I feel like it’s open for anyone curious enough about me — And you are always welcomed. So yeah, I’m secretly basic myself. All I want to do is live-love-laugh and spread the good vibes as well. I gotta thank you for showing me the way. Together, we can lead a successful happy life full of cheese inside and outside of our bodies. You Teachers deserve that apple.